Don T Lick The Minivan

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Don T Lick The Minivan

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Author : Leanne Shirtliffe
language : en
Publisher: Skyhorse
Release Date : 2015-11-03

Don T Lick The Minivan written by Leanne Shirtliffe and has been published by Skyhorse this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2015-11-03 with Family & Relationships categories.

As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia’s sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia. In Don’t Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe captures the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of everyday life with children such as: The birthday party where neighborhood kids took home skin rashes from the second-hand face paint she applied. The time she discovered her twins carving their names into her minivan’s paint with rocks. The funeral she officiated for “Stripper Barbie.” The horror of glitter. And much more! Shirtliffe eventually realizes that even if she can’t teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she’s a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for her twins’ therapy fund. And possibly her own. Shirtliffe’s memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper.

The Change Your Name Store

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Author : Leanne Shirtliffe
language : en
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Release Date : 2014-05-20

The Change Your Name Store written by Leanne Shirtliffe and has been published by Simon and Schuster this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2014-05-20 with Juvenile Fiction categories.

Who am I? It’s a question a lot of children seem to ask themselves, at which point being “them” simply isn’t enough. They want to be someone better. Many kids want to change their names. This is what happened to Wilma Lee Wu. One day, Wilma decides she no longer likes her name, and she sets off for the Change Your Name Store to find a new one. Once at the store, the possibilities seem endless. Mrs. Zeena McFooz, the store-owner, says that Wilma can try out any new name she wants with one catch: she must “go for a ride” to discover what it means to be that name. Will being Babette Bijou from France be better than Wilma Lee Wu? What about Dominga Delfino from Belize? Featuring an exciting story of discovery from author and humor blogger Leanne Shirtliffe (of IronicMom.com), and fun, simple illustrations by Tina Kügler, The Change Your Name Store takes children on a journey to find their true identity and to celebrate who they are—name and all. Children ages 3 to 6 will be able to relate to Wilma's search for who she really is. The book promotes diversity, which is an important topic to kids to understand at an early age, and will be a good addition to preschool classrooms and urban homes in particular. Zeena McFooz is gentle and matter-of-fact, and the tone of the book is one of exploration and celebration of our individuality. The illustrations are sure to captivate kids' attention while helping to bring this important message to life. Sky Pony Press, with our Good Books, Racehorse and Arcade imprints, is proud to publish a broad range of books for young readers—picture books for small children, chapter books, books for middle grade readers, and novels for young adults. Our list includes bestsellers for children who love to play Minecraft; stories told with LEGO bricks; books that teach lessons about tolerance, patience, and the environment, and much more. While not every title we publish becomes a New York Times bestseller or a national bestseller, we are committed to books on subjects that are sometimes overlooked and to authors whose work might not otherwise find a home.

Mommyfesto

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Author : Leanne Shirtliffe
language : en
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Release Date : 2014-11-11

Mommyfesto written by Leanne Shirtliffe and has been published by Simon and Schuster this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2014-11-11 with Family & Relationships categories.

The goal of parenting is to train your children to have slightly better manners than a dog. If you’ve achieved that by the end of day (or even if you’ve failed majestically trying), it is important to celebrate the little things. Like bedtime. And screw-top wine. And with Mommyfesto, by award-winning humor blogger Leanne Shirtliffe, you’ll learn the nitty-gritty about what it means to be a real parent. Without resorting to stereotypical “poo and pee jokes,” Shirtliffe finds humor in the insanity of raising children and celebrates using how-to-parent-like-an-expert books as paperweights for your child’s art collection in the recycling bin. Mommyfesto contains more than 150 realistic (and downright humorous) truths about parenting, such as: A Band-Aid and a kiss solve most daily crises. So does talking like a pirate. Expectations of child rearing should be thrown out the window. It’s better than throwing out your child. If you can survive parented piano lessons, you can survive a zombie apocalypse. And much more! Mommyfesto offers parents the opportunity to laugh at the absurdity of childrearing and to realize there is no right way to do it. Blank pages in the back of the book encourage moms (and dads, too!) to add their beliefs—whether bizarre, funny, or even serious—to the book, making this a go-to guide for generations of crazed parents. Leanne's blog, IronicMom.com, was recently declared the Best Humour Blog by the Canadian Weblog Awards, a juried competition. IronicMom.com garners 8,000–13,000 hits per month and has been featured on high-traffic sites such as The Christian Science Monitor, ProBlogger, Wordpress’ home page, Canadian Family, CBC, the Calgary Herald, and Sweet Mama. IronicMom.com was recognized as one of the top five new blogs by the Canadian Weblog Awards (2010) and as the top parenting blog in Calgary (a city of over 1 million people) and as the Most Laugh–Out–Loud Funny blog by Sweet Mama, a popular Canadian website.

Motherhood Smotherhood

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Author : JJ Keith
language : en
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Release Date : 2014-10-14

Motherhood Smotherhood written by JJ Keith and has been published by Simon and Schuster this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2014-10-14 with Family & Relationships categories.

What’s the first thing a woman does when she thinks she might be pregnant? She Googles. And it goes downhill from there. While the internet is full of calming and cheerily supportive articles, it’s also littered with hyper-judgmental message boards and heaps of contradictory and scolding information. Babies on Boards takes parents through the trenches of new parenting, warning readers of the pleasures and perils of mommy blogs, new parent groups, self-described “lactivists,” sleep fascists, incessant trend pieces on working versus non-working mothers, and the place where free time and self-esteem goes to die: Pinterest (back away from the hand-made flower headbands for baby!). JJ Keith interweaves discussions of what “it takes a village” really means (hint: a lot of unwanted advice from elderly strangers who may have grown up in actual villages) and a take-down of the rising “make your own baby food” movement (just mush a banana with a fork!) with laugh-out-loud observations about the many mistakes she made as a frantic new mother with too much access to high speed internet and a lot of questions. Keith cuts to the truth—whether it’s about “perfect” births, parenting gurus, the growing tide of vaccine rejecters, the joy of blanketing Facebook with baby pics, or germophobia—to move conversations about parenting away from experts espousing blanket truths to amateurs relishing in what a big, messy pile of delight and trauma having a baby is. It turns out those little buggers are more durable and fun than we think they are!

Propose Your Book

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Author : Patricia Fry
language : en
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Release Date : 2015-08-25

Propose Your Book written by Patricia Fry and has been published by Simon and Schuster this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2015-08-25 with Reference categories.

Authors are the CEOs of their books, and their book proposals are their business plans. Most agents and publishers require a proposal before ever setting eyes on a manuscript, and it is a crucial element in getting published. Writing a proposal can also help an author to write the right book for the right audience, and to more successfully pitch a book to the right agent or publisher. Propose Your Book offers a clear understanding of the book proposal process in today’s fiercely competitive publishing climate. It includes: The most up-to-date concepts in writing a book proposal Insider tips from the agents and publishers Examples of actual proposals from publishers’ files Covering proposals for nonfiction, fiction, and children’s books, Patricia Fry provides a hands-on approach from an experienced writer’s perspective. Propose Your Book, enriched with innovative and tried-and-true strategies, is a complete guide to perfecting contemporary proposals that will sell writers’ books. Allworth Press, an imprint of Skyhorse Publishing, publishes a broad range of books on the visual and performing arts, with emphasis on the business of art. Our titles cover subjects such as graphic design, theater, branding, fine art, photography, interior design, writing, acting, film, how to start careers, business and legal forms, business practices, and more. While we don't aspire to publish a New York Times bestseller or a national bestseller, we are deeply committed to quality books that help creative professionals succeed and thrive. We often publish in areas overlooked by other publishers and welcome the author whose expertise can help our audience of readers.

Kids Are Turds

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Author : Jenny Schoberl
language : en
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Release Date : 2016-04-05

Kids Are Turds written by Jenny Schoberl and has been published by Simon and Schuster this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2016-04-05 with Family & Relationships categories.

When do you know for sure that you’ve become a parent? For Jenny Schoberl, it wasn’t when a human fell out of her lady parts or the first time her baby said “Mama.” It was when she found herself, a grown woman, hiding in the bathroom to eat a candy bar, just so she didn’t have to share. Parenthood changes people’s lives in horrifying and inevitable ways. No matter how hard you resist, you soon find yourself being that parent far too often to deny it. It won’t be long before mom jeans and minivans are calling your name. Discussing bowel movements over dinner? Guilty. Peeing with an audience? Check. Grocery shopping alone? Sounds like a tropical vacation! Watching cartoons hours after the kids have gone to bed? Now your only hobby! What do you do when motherhood turns you into someone you hardly recognize? When you open your mouth and, holy hell, your mother comes out? Kids Are Turds proves that you don’t need to be Super-Mom to be a “good” mom (whatever that is), but you absolutely do need a sense of humor to get through the hard days. Either that, or you can give in, yank up your mom jeans, and rock a mile-long camel toe. So for the love of retinas everywhere, be strong!

Tales From The Crib

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Author : DeeDee Filiatreault
language : en
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Release Date : 2016-11-01

Tales From The Crib written by DeeDee Filiatreault and has been published by Simon and Schuster this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2016-11-01 with Family & Relationships categories.

Tales from the Crib will make all parental units feel better about themselves—no vegetables required. Let’s be honest. Nobody wants to sit next to that chipper mom at playgroup who knows everything. Please. You want to plop down by the mom who’s just as clueless and cranky as you are and have a good, hearty, conspiratorial laugh together. Because that mom gets it. That mom makes you feel better. That mom isn’t afraid to admit that chicken nuggets are one of her household’s major food groups (though she is fraught with guilt over it). That mom is just like you. That mom is DeeDee Filiatreault—a regular housewife with fairly normal kids (if there is such a thing). But unlike you, she writes all her ridiculous family stuff down (for her newspaper column and blog) with wit, snark, heart, faith, and far fewer swear words than she’s probably thinking. Her writings have yet to appear in the New Yorker or HuffPo, she doesn’t go on morning shows to dole out parenting advice (mainly because she doesn’t really have any), and she doesn’t have a weird, new hook for a “mom-oir”—like how she survived a year of family dumpster-diving or co-parenting her children with wolves. She doesn’t have eighteen kids either, just two. And oh yeah, only one husband (as required by state law). This collection of DeeDee’s favorite columns and writings spans her first near-decade in the mom business. Reading it is like plunking down next to that funny mom at playgroup. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll feel less lonely in this thing. And you may even feel a little superior. (That alone might be worth the price tag.) Just come and sit down next to her.

Wake Up And Smell The Shit

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Author : Kirsten Koza
language : en
Publisher: Travelers' Tales
Release Date : 2015-10-19

Wake Up And Smell The Shit written by Kirsten Koza and has been published by Travelers' Tales this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2015-10-19 with Travel categories.

Stand back! The tales in this raunchy round-the-world romp might get you dirty. We've all had unspeakable experiences while traveling that we're ashamed to admit, but these often become our best stories in the retelling. The writers in this collection cast inhibition aside and reveal their weirdest and worst moments and how they made the best of them. And memorable moments in exotic destinations come in all shapes and sizes: insects as big as Pam Anderson’s left tit, regrettable sex, stink-eyed officials, horrible healers, Lady Gaga’s shoes and Madonna’s special meal, trigger-happy militants, and peeping Tom rock stars. Adventure vicariously as: Spud Hilton (not Monty Python) finds the Holy Grail by accident. Meghan Ward squats, and then the toilet grunts back, in Goa. Kasha Rigby proved how tough she is on National Geographic’s Ultimate Survival Alaska, but is she a match for a 90-year-old bone breaker in Guatemala? Namibians stereotype Chinese men as Bruce Lee—Gerald Yeung wonders if attacking baboons will do the same. Keph Senett (hoping not to follow in the footsteps of Pussy Riot) braves bombs, police and a Soviet-era sofa bed to play soccer at the LGBT games in Putin’s Russia. Jabba-the-Turd versus Shannon Bradford in an epic showdown in Argentina. And many more….

No More Beige Food

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Author : Leanne Shirtliffe
language : en
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Release Date : 2016-01-05

No More Beige Food written by Leanne Shirtliffe and has been published by Simon and Schuster this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2016-01-05 with Juvenile Fiction categories.

One night Wilma Lee Wu sits down for dinner—in front of some food that might’ve been meat—when she declares she can’t take it: “Please, no more beige food!” She’s tired of the bland and mushy meals her parents make. So Wilma and her little brother venture in search of some neighbors willing to teach them how to cook new food. From Khun Joe’s pad thai to Ms. Azar’s Lebanese kibbe, they learn to make all sorts of tasty dishes. But how will Wilma respond when Monsieur Poutine offers to teach her how to make frog legs? The sequel to The Change Your Name Store, No More Beige Food will delight both old fans of Wilma Lee Wu and new readers. Both adults and children will love this clever, rhyming tale—it might even get some picky eaters curious about going on their own culinary adventures! Tina Kügler’s charming and lively illustrations give great personalities to an array of characters from around the world; this is the perfect book for parents looking to talk about diversity with young children. Sky Pony Press, with our Good Books, Racehorse and Arcade imprints, is proud to publish a broad range of books for young readers—picture books for small children, chapter books, books for middle grade readers, and novels for young adults. Our list includes bestsellers for children who love to play Minecraft; stories told with LEGO bricks; books that teach lessons about tolerance, patience, and the environment, and much more. While not every title we publish becomes a New York Times bestseller or a national bestseller, we are committed to books on subjects that are sometimes overlooked and to authors whose work might not otherwise find a home.

You Are A Dog

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Author : Terry Bain
language : en
Publisher: Crown
Release Date : 2010-04-14

You Are A Dog written by Terry Bain and has been published by Crown this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2010-04-14 with Pets categories.

A hilarious, captivating commentary that gives us--finally--a true dog’s-eye view of the world. • The Sofa: “The sofa is Position One. The sofa makes you feel as if you are with your people even when your people are gone.” • The Toilet: “The advantage of drinking from the toilet is that the water is always fresh.” • The Baby: “Often known as She Who Randomly Flings Food from the Table, the baby has the most flavorful, ever-changing face of all your people.” “After reading You Are a Dog, you will start thinking like a dog.” --Bash Dibra, celebrity pet trainer and author of DogSpeak “You Are a Dog should be the talk of every dog run in the U.S. With humor, and more bite than one might expect, Terry Bain helps us to see the world through the eyes of our dogs, and to look at their lives in fresh and insightful ways.” --Jon Katz, author of A Dog Year, The New Work of Dogs, and The Dogs of Bedlam Farm “Terry Bain has cracked the canine code to demystify those charming, endearing, and occasionally bizarre habits our beloved dogs exhibit. You Are a Dog is equal parts witty and warm, sweet and sympathetic--read this and be destined to meet your dog at a richer, deeper level.”--Dr. Marty Becker, veterinary contributor for Good Morning America, author of The Healing Power of Pets