The Misreadbible Genesis
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The Misreadbible Genesis
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Author : J. R. Eldridge
language : en
Publisher: Lulu.com
Release Date : 2019-04-03
The Misreadbible Genesis written by J. R. Eldridge and has been published by Lulu.com this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2019-04-03 with Humor categories.
A collection of twisted Bible tales from the warped mind of J. R. Eldridge, taking the reader on a journey from the creation of the universe to the arrival of the Israelites in Egypt in this blasphemously funny collection. A lonely deity creates the universe in his mother's basement and makes a little clay man who falls in love with his own rib. After the humans engage in some freaky angel sex, God decides to flood the entire world, saving only a drunkard called Noah and his family. Once the humans have repopulated the Earth, God chooses one man called Abram, drags him from his home in the middle of the night, changes his name, and then tells him to kill his son, forming an everlasting covenant with him and his descendants. Later, Jacob steals his brother's birthmark, boinks his cousins, and comes up with an innovative way to breed sheep. He fathers a dozen kids including Joseph, whose brothers get tired of his dreams of grandeur and sell him to some shapeshifting Ishmaelites who take him to Egypt.
The Misreadbible Book Of Moses
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Author : J. R. Eldridge
language : en
Publisher: J. R. Eldridge
Release Date : 2021-01-06
The Misreadbible Book Of Moses written by J. R. Eldridge and has been published by J. R. Eldridge this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2021-01-06 with Fiction categories.
Four hundred years after their entry into Egypt, God’s chosen people have managed to get themselves all enslaved. How can the omnipotent creator of the Universe free his people from bondage and deliver them to the promised land? By sending a random shepherd with a speech impediment to repeatedly threaten Pharaoh, that’s how. In this satirical retelling of the biblical books of Exodus to Deuteronomy, the long-suffering Moses leads a tribe of grumbling Israelites through the desert whilst trying to appease a petulant deity who turns smitey at the drop of a hat. Will he ever reach the promised land? Will there be any Israelites left unsmitten by the time he gets there? And what exactly is the Lord’s beef with yeast anyway?
The Misreadbible Gospel
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Author : J. R. Eldridge
language : en
Publisher: J. R. Eldridge
Release Date : 2022-01-14
The Misreadbible Gospel written by J. R. Eldridge and has been published by J. R. Eldridge this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2022-01-14 with Fiction categories.
In first century Galilee, a humble carpenter is given some rather unusual news: he is the Son of God! Leaving his home, family, and carpentry business, Jesus of Nazareth travels to Peraea to learn the ways of the Dunker from his barmy hermit cousin John, who has a penchant for plunging people into water. Returning to Galilee, he calls together a posse of twelve random dudes and begins his father’s mission to preach the Kingdom of God (whatever that means). Along the way, he heals the sick, casts out demons, gives bizarre ranting sermons, and amasses a following. But little does he know that a much bigger destiny awaits him…
A Misreadbible Christmas
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Author : J. R. Eldridge
language : en
Publisher: Lulu.com
Release Date : 2019-04-28
A Misreadbible Christmas written by J. R. Eldridge and has been published by Lulu.com this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2019-04-28 with Humor categories.
The Nativity During the reign of King Herod of Judaea, an unwed teenage virgin called Mary is impregnated with a magical baby by the Holy Spirit. She and her fianc� Joseph travel to Bethlehem for a preposterous census, and Mary has to give birth in a stable. Meanwhile, a group of stargazing magi, who have traipsed hundreds of miles after a star, inadvertently inform the king of Judaea of the Messiah's birth. Herod's Christmas Carol King Herod, the infamous baby massacring tyrant of the nativity, is recast as Scrooge. On the day that would come to be known as Christmas Eve, he is haunted by the ghost of his dead wife Mariamne who has come to deliver a warning. He is visited by three spirits who take him on a journey to his past, present, and future. Will the king heed the spirits' message and mend his ways, or will he forever be the villain that the Bible portrays him to be? Bonus Parodies of A Visit from St. Nicholas and a selection of Christmas carols, and some nativity themed tweets.
The First Book Of The Bible Genesis
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Author : Ernst Jacob
language : en
Publisher: KTAV Publishing House, Inc.
Release Date : 2007
The First Book Of The Bible Genesis written by Ernst Jacob and has been published by KTAV Publishing House, Inc. this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2007 with Religion categories.
The Genius Of Genesis
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Author : Dennis Shulman
language : en
Publisher: iUniverse
Release Date : 2003
The Genius Of Genesis written by Dennis Shulman and has been published by iUniverse this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2003 with Psychology categories.
As the first man and woman leave the Garden I am with them. I feel their longing to return, their guilt and shame, and their fears about the future. I feel their anxiety about their Creator: Is He still with them? Does He still love them? I feel their rising panic as they realize that this no-longer-so-cozy world might make life impossible for them. As Abraham walks silently up the mountain to sacrifice his son I ask the questions he asks. Should I obey the dictates of my God, or is there a higher good involving the sanctity of human life? Can I be Abraham if I refuse to listen to the God I revere? Can I be Abraham if my beloved God demands human blood for His adoration? As Jacob wrestles throughout the long dark night I am with him. Like Jacob, I sweat as he faces his betrayal of father and brother; as he witnesses, full-face, his character, naked and base. Then, the next morning, I weep as he and his brother weep. Join me on this pilgrimage into the wisdom that is Genesis. For this journey, it is Adam and Eve, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and even God who serve as guides. It is my fervent hope that by journey's end we will find ourselves.
Notes Critical And Explanatory On The Book Of Genesis
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Author : Melancthon Williams Jacobus
language : en
Publisher:
Release Date : 1870
Notes Critical And Explanatory On The Book Of Genesis written by Melancthon Williams Jacobus and has been published by this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 1870 with Bible categories.
Mysteries Of Genesis
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Author : Charles Fillmore
language : en
Publisher: Jazzybee Verlag
Release Date : 2014-05-12
Mysteries Of Genesis written by Charles Fillmore and has been published by Jazzybee Verlag this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2014-05-12 with Religion categories.
THE BOOK OF GENESIS is the key to the Bible. In the New Testament it is quoted twenty-seven times literally and thirty-eight times substantially. It tells in a very few words how God first imaged man and the universe and then turned the development over to Jehovah, who has been in a process of manifestation for ages and aeons. The "Five Books of Moses," of which Genesis is the first, have always been credited to Moses, but that he was the author seems doubtful in the face of the many stories of creation found in the legends and hieroglyphs of ancient Egypt, Chaldea, and other nations that are almost identical with those of Genesis. It would thus seem that Moses edited the legends of the ages and compiled them into an allegorical history of creation. The truths in this book will be revealed to the reader through his own spiritual unfoldment. Spiritual things are spiritually discerned. The spiritual revelations that you seem to get from books and teachers already existed as submerged experiences in your own soul. The essential truths have been worked out in this or previous incarnations, and when you were reminded of the buried idea it blazed forth as a light from without. So all that you are or ever will be must come from your own spiritual achievements.
Genesis For Normal People
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Author : Peter Enns
language : en
Publisher:
Release Date : 2012
Genesis For Normal People written by Peter Enns and has been published by this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2012 with Bible categories.
Given the fever-pitched controversies about evolution, Adam and Eve, and scientific evidence for the Flood, the average person might feel intimidated by the book of Genesis. But behind the heady debates is a terrific story-one that anyone can understand, and one that has gripped people for ages. If you are not a Bible scholar but want to be able to read Genesis and understand its big picture, this brief, witty book is the guide you've been waiting for. Clear summaries and thought-provoking questions provide direction for personal reflection and group discussion. Peter Enns, a Biblical Studies professor, and Jared Byas, an Old Testament professor, summarize the book's key themes and help us see Genesis as an ancient story, one with continued relevance for human experience today. Genesis for Normal People illuminates the characters that fill the book of Genesis, causing us to resonate with their choices and struggles even as we marvel at their distant world. And that's what you'll find here-not scientific proof texts or simple moral tales, but a distant world made available, and a story that is often strange, sometimes dangerous, and always filled with rich possibilities.
Genesis For Normal People
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Author : Jared Byas
language : en
Publisher:
Release Date : 2019-09-18
Genesis For Normal People written by Jared Byas and has been published by this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2019-09-18 with Bible categories.
Given the fever-pitched controversies about evolution, Adam and Eve, and scientific evidence for the Flood, the average person might feel intimidated by the book of Genesis. But behind the heady debates is a terrific story-one that anyone can understand, and one that has gripped people for ages. If you are not a Bible scholar but want to be able to read Genesis and understand its big picture, this brief, witty book is the guide you've been waiting for. Clear summaries and thought-provoking questions provide direction for personal reflection and group discussion. Peter Enns, a Biblical Studies professor, and Jared Byas, an Old Testament professor, summarize the book's key themes and help us see Genesis as an ancient story, one with continued relevance for human experience today. Genesis for Normal People illuminates the characters that fill the book of Genesis, causing us to resonate with their choices and struggles even as we marvel at their distant world. And that's what you'll find here-not scientific proof texts or simple moral tales, but a distant world made available, and a story that is often strange, sometimes dangerous, and always filled with rich possibilities.WHAT OTHERS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT GENESIS FOR NORMAL PEOPLE:"This book is a welcome antidote to the mystification about the book of Genesis that goes around. It is accessible for readers who want to take the plunge into this old text. It is gentle in leading readers to a critical sense of the text in response to a "late" trauma in Israel. It is imaginative in its articulation of a book that might otherwise be off-putting. The convergence of accessibility, gentleness, and imagination make this a very fine read."- Walter Brueggemann, Professor Emeritus, Columbia Theological Seminary"Genesis for Normal People is the perfect starting point for Christians who want to read the book of Genesis more faithfully and honestly. Enns and Byas break down the history, genre, culture, and context of this fascinating book of the Bible, so that "normal people"--you know, those who can't read ancient Hebrew--can get a better sense of its purpose, meaning and relevance. The authors manage to simplify without dumbing down, challenge without confusing, and dig for deep truth without compromising their intellectual integrity. A must-read for anyone who care enough about the Bible to want to read and understand it on its own terms."- Rachel Held Evans, author of A Year of Biblical Womanhood"The stories in the book of Genesis are among the most well known in the Bible--so much so that it's easy to lose sight of the fact that Genesis is an ancient document from a cultural setting very different from our own. Enns and Byas have provided a highly readable volume that reminds readers of its reality while explaining the meaning and significance of Genesis in light of its ancient context. An ideal book for individual and study groups interested in understanding Genesis on its own terms."- John R. Franke, General Coordinator for The Gospel and Our Culture Network"Evangelical Old Testament scholarship has come of age and is now coming out from behind the shadows of suppression and secrecy. No one represents this fresh coming of age more than Peter Enns, who, with co-author Jared Byas, makes available to any Bible reader a fresh engagement with Genesis--readable, responsible, and recognizably fresh."- Scot McKnight, Professor of New Testament at Northern Seminary
