It S My F Ing Birthday

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It S My F Ing Birthday

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Author : Merrill Markoe
language : en
Publisher: Villard
Release Date : 2007-12-18

It S My F Ing Birthday written by Merrill Markoe and has been published by Villard this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2007-12-18 with Fiction categories.

“In the coming year,” she said, hoisting her blindingly clean and gleaming glass into the air, “may half of all your dreams come true.” “Mom,” I said to her, “isn’t that kind of pathetic?” “Well, it’s realistic.” It’s her thirty-sixth birthday, and she really thought things would be different this year—that she’d have figured out men and how to get along with her narcissistic parents enough to survive a birthday celebration. But nothing’s changed. Her disappointing day is capped off by the delivery of a huge bouquet of flowers from Carl, with whom she has recently, and bitterly, split. A gesture of reconciliation? Of passive aggression? She’s too unhinged to tell. It’s My F---ing Birthday unfolds in seven state-of-my-life addresses this hapless high school art teacher writes to herself on consecutive birthdays, as she is determined to break the patterns of behavior that are keeping her down. Her objective: to avoid making the same mistakes over and over and start making some new ones. Through seven outrageously funny years of needling parents, self-absorbed boyfriends, riots, O.J., and Monica—and bigger and bigger bouquets from Carl—she navigates a circuitous (and ultimately successful) route to happiness in a world where everything seems to conspire to the contrary. What I Learned This Year That I Need to Remember 1. No more taking the bait from Mom. Even if the fight becomes about not taking the bait. 2. No more dwelling in the past. 3. Try much harder to continue being a vegetarian. This will limit the restaurants the folks can take me to. 4. No more trying to decode the flowers from Carl. If he sends them again, just think of them as a fun, free thing, like a little sample box of cereal or detergent that suddenly appears in the mailbox. 5. Don’t make a big deal out of the fact that there were no guys this year. Perhaps that’s a better thing than continuing to get involved with guys who exhibit behavior from the beginning that indicates the whole thing is completely hopeless. So try to remember the above as a coping strategy when I am so crazed with horniness that I want to throw myself off a building. 6. No more mumbo jumbo. This means no more calling 900 astrology numbers listed at the end of horoscopes in women’s magazines to find out my love forecast. And no more going to psychics, no matter how dicey things get.

Hiding Boys In Bathrooms

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Author : Giuliana Prada
language : en
Publisher: AuthorHouse
Release Date : 2017-02-06

Hiding Boys In Bathrooms written by Giuliana Prada and has been published by AuthorHouse this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2017-02-06 with Humor categories.

I was the poster child for someone who would attract and yes, date dysfunctional males. Send me your poor, emotionally and geographically unavailable, huddled masses, yearning for credit, co-dependency, or just yearning to break free (probably from prison). Yes, send them to me. I will pick up the pieces or end up in pieces trying to do so. Why this had become the norm for me, I still had yet to figure out. Giulianas thirties were mired by her boozy romantic debacles. From sociopath swindlers and drug addicts, to pothead-surfers and commitment phobes, she wondered why she always seemed to attract such types. Why was she the poster child for girls who dated dysfunctional guys? She certainly wasnt purposely seeking these winners out? Or was she? Hiding Boys in Bathrooms reads with love, humor, and heartache, as you follow the romantic mishaps of a girl who seems to find love in all the wrong places.

The Bridal Wave

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Author : Erin Torneo
language : en
Publisher: Villard
Release Date : 2007-01-02

The Bridal Wave written by Erin Torneo and has been published by Villard this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2007-01-02 with Family & Relationships categories.

It starts with the IGBN (I’ve Got Big News) phone calls and a mailbox full of Save the Dates. Next comes the meltdown: I always thought I’d be married by now. Why does she have a ring on her finger and I don’t? Soon you’re buying outrageously expensive china, dancing the electric slide with the groom’s dull but available cousin, and envisioning a long and single life for you and a dozen or so cats. But fear not! Now Erin Torneo and Valerie Cabrera Krause show you how to surf The Bridal Wave on your own terms. This hilarious and practical guide to surviving the wedding blitz reveals the sanity-saving secrets to dealing with all manner of matri-mania, including how to • manage finances during the costly wedding season • turn brutal self-examination (“What’s wrong with me?”) into empowering self-reflection (“Nothing!”) • cope with envy and feelings of competition • deal with lobridemized friends • avoid settling for Mr. Wrong just to fit the timeline in your head • actually enjoy being a bridesmaid, despite the dress Like the best of friends, Erin and Valerie will help you separate fact from fairy tale–and stay sane, whether you’re coupled-up, single and looking, or single and just fine, thank you very much! “For any woman who is currently trapped in the middle of a Bridal Wave–this book is your lifesaver!” –Liz Tuccillo, co-author of He’s Just Not That Into You “A funny and genuinely helpful book that should be on ever single woman’s shelf.” –Karen McCullah Lutz, author of Legally Blonde “Torneo and Krause’s advice will be eagerly gobbled up by legions of women.” –Celeste Perron, author of Playing House “Will ease your wedding panic with humor and intelligence.” –Andrea Lavinthal, co-author of The Hookup Handbook

Cool Calm Contentious

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Author : Merrill Markoe
language : en
Publisher: Villard
Release Date : 2011-11-01

Cool Calm Contentious written by Merrill Markoe and has been published by Villard this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2011-11-01 with Humor categories.

“This is so well written. [When a book like this] comes along, it’s, like, ‘Thank you!’ What a great way to spend an afternoon, an evening, reading these essays. . . . Absolutely great.”—Jon Stewart “[Merrill] Markoe is easily as funny as David Sedaris. She’s capable of manic riffs and acerbic skewering. Still, her good nature shines through.”—The Washington Post In this hilarious collection of candid essays, including two pieces new to this edition, New York Times bestselling author Merrill Markoe reveals much about her personal life—as well as the secret formula for comedy: Start out with a difficult mother, develop some classic teenage insecurities, add a few relationships with narcissistic men, toss in an unruly pack of selfish dogs, finish it off with the kind of crystalline perspective that only comes from years of navigating a roiling sea of unpleasant and unappeasable people, and—voilà—you’re funny! Cool, Calm & Contentious is honest, unapologetic, sometimes heartbreaking, but always shot through with Merrill Markoe’s biting, bracing wit. “This has been a great year for funny women. . . . Let’s call Tina Fey and Mindy Kaling exhibits A and B. Both owe a debt to those who came before, including Merrill Markoe.”—The Boston Globe “Markoe’s goal is to find the absurdity in everyday life. That, coupled with her sharp wit, makes her writing sublime.”—BookPage “Laugh-out-loud humor.”—Tampa Bay Times “Not only crazy-funny, but crazy-heartbreaking.”—The New York Times

How Do You Know He S Real God Unplugged

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Author : Amy Hammond Hagberg
language : en
Publisher: Destiny Image Publishers
Release Date : 2006-11-01

How Do You Know He S Real God Unplugged written by Amy Hammond Hagberg and has been published by Destiny Image Publishers this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2006-11-01 with Religion categories.

Are All Christians stuffy old people sitting (or sleeping) in church on Sunday morning? No! Most Christians are people with problems just like you. Being famous doesn't make their lives any easier. They still struggle with anger, drugs, alcohol, sex, relation-ships, despair, and disappointment. Whether they are Olympic gold medallists, musicians, professional athletes, or extreme sports fanatics, they know that God is real—and here are their stories. Life takes courage to wake up and face each day. Find out where some of today's most amazing young people get their strength to face each day, and how you can tap into your inner strength and discover the power of God Unplugged! Plug into God's exciting plan for your life TODAY!

Single Woman Of A Certain Age

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Author : Jane Ganahl
language : en
Publisher: New World Library
Release Date : 2011-02-09

Single Woman Of A Certain Age written by Jane Ganahl and has been published by New World Library this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2011-02-09 with Family & Relationships categories.

This timely book assembles a chorus of sophisticated, edgy, and humorous voices on the topic of being unmarried in one’s prime. Far from being out to pasture, these writers zestily take on the challenges and enjoy the rewards of growing older as a single woman: sex (or not), occasional loneliness, single motherhood, second careers, menopause, critter comforts, and more. Joyce Maynard (“fifteen years divorced and pushing fifty with a short stick”) tries online dating, Kathi Kamen Goldmark embraces her newly empty nest, Susan Griffin savors the joys of solo travel, Wendy Merrill dumps a younger lover to save her self-esteem, Diane Mapes prefers the joys of aunthood over motherhood, Ms. Gonick dates a sexy (if uneducated) cowboy, and Rachel Toor finally finds the perfect companion — and he has four legs.

Advanced Sex Tips For Girls

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Author : Cynthia Heimel
language : en
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Release Date : 2003-02-04

Advanced Sex Tips For Girls written by Cynthia Heimel and has been published by Simon and Schuster this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2003-02-04 with Humor categories.

Twenty years ago, Heimel wrote the sassy, smart primer on dating and mating, "Sex Tips for Girls." Now Heimel returns with a no-holds-barred report on what she's learned since, with rib-tickling tidbits and candid confessions about Heimel's own pursuit of love.

It S My Birthday

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Author : Tina Benjamin
language : en
Publisher: Gareth Stevens Publishing LLLP
Release Date : 2014-12-15

It S My Birthday written by Tina Benjamin and has been published by Gareth Stevens Publishing LLLP this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2014-12-15 with Juvenile Nonfiction categories.

For a young child, there’s nothing more exciting than a birthday party. This book takes a fun look at a child’s birthday with the help of color photographs and strong picture/text correlation. With a strong narrative set in a family environment, beginning readers will love diving into a birthday party filled with friends, family, and presents! Games and a birthday cake highlight what is always a special day for a young child.

It S My Birthday

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Author : Heather Crossley
language : en
Publisher:
Release Date : 2001

It S My Birthday written by Heather Crossley and has been published by this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2001 with Birthdays categories.

Temptation Spin

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Author : Shareen Smith Harvey
language : en
Publisher: Lulu.com
Release Date : 2012-06-12

Temptation Spin written by Shareen Smith Harvey and has been published by Lulu.com this book supported file pdf, txt, epub, kindle and other format this book has been release on 2012-06-12 with Fiction categories.

This story is what some of us live by, what we think the world should expect. We have to live by our wise minds and heart. Do not be afraid to ask for help or accept help in an area that you are lacking.There is a guardian angel for everyone.There will be ups and there will be downs. It may be people hating on your accomplishments out of jealousy. we can't let it bring us down. we must move foward. This book gives you ideas of other peoples trials and tribulations that they have faced or facing. Life isn't always what it seems! -Shareen smith Harvey